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they make things more complicated for a school district. The real source of the 2
problem of depressed and exhausted students is the very culture of high school.
Especially in junior year, things become less about learning and more about getting
into the next best college. Students and their environment are hyperfocused on the
marginal addition, just like cocaine-induced Wall Street bankers. We are encouraged
to join one more club, become the captain of one more team, work one more hour,
take one more course, intern one more time. All to prove to some admission officer
making thirty grand a year that we are that one additional student they need. Even
vacations and weekends are consecrated to school, leaving no time to focus on
oneself and heal. I recently had surgery, and got a total of two days to rest. My doctor
encouraged two weeks of off-time, but I was too afraid of falling behind. This frantic
cyclical dance of competition and tears is extremely unhealthy, and I don’t think that
adding an extra hour of sleep will really change anything. There needs to be a shift in Section 2 / From Reading to Writing: Crafting an AP ® Argument Essay
the mindset.
The recent efforts to start school later are a welcome breath of fresh air in the
noise chamber of adults complaining about teenagers being crybabies who can’t get
their work in on time. But we are simply the product of a system they set up. So while
this country’s education experts as well as its students collectively reflect on how out
of control the system has become, let students sleep one more hour for the sake of
their health and sanity.

Providing Peer Feedback for Revision activity

Carefully read the student sample essay on school start times and answer the following
questions for revision.
Questions for Revision

1. Identify the thesis of this essay. How adequately does it state a position that
responds to the prompt?
2. How effectively does the writer establish her ethos? How effectively does the essay
appeal to the audience?
3. To what extent has the writer fully responded to the prompt? Identify areas that
show consideration of the pros and cons of an early or late start time.
4. What kinds of evidence does the writer use to support her claims? How
adequately does that evidence do so? How effectively does the essay address
the counterargument?
5. Can you think of any other evidence that would add to the cogency of the argument
that this essay makes? Explain.
6. This essay was written as a timed, first draft response to the prompt. How might you
edit and revise it to make it better?

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Uncorrected proofs have been used in this sample. Copyright © Bedford, Freeman & Worth Publishers.
Distributed by Bedford, Freeman & Worth Publishers.
For review purposes only. Not for redistribution.
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