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chapter 9 Reconstruction: The Making and Unmaking of a Revolution
life. . . . I do love you the same. My love to you have never failed. . . . I have got another 1865–1877
wife, and I am very sorry. . . . You feels and seems to me as much like my dear loving
wife, as you ever did.” 7
The tensions following from troubled reunions often proved overwhelming.
Many spouses who accused their partners of infidelity or desertion now sought relief
through the courts. The number of wives seeking support for their children and them-
selves from negligent fathers and husbands increased, as did the number of divorce
cases and custody battles over children. Battles between birth parents and the adults
who had raised their children were confusing and painful for all involved. During slav-
ery, some white mistresses had taken young slaves from their mothers to be raised in
the big house as part of the domestic staff. After emancipation, these children were
reclaimed. As one freed mother told her former mistress, “You took her away from me
an’ didn’ pay no mind to my cryin’, so now I’se takin’ her back home. We’s free now,
Mis’ Polly, we ain’t gwine be slaves no more to nobody.” 8
Legalizing slave marriages was a critical step in confirming freedpeople’s new iden-
tities. Some viewed marriage as a moral and a Christian responsibility; some saw it as
a means for legitimating children and becoming eligible for Union veterans’ pensions.
Preachers, missionaries, and public officials supported marriage as a way to anchor black
families and enhance their moral foundation. The rites themselves varied widely, from
traditional “jumping the broom” ceremonies, common under slavery, to church wed-
dings. One freedwoman recalled that while she and her husband had had a broomstick
ceremony as slaves, once freed they “had a real sho’ nuff weddin’ wid a preacher. Dat cost
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a dollar.” Mass weddings featuring as many as seventy couples were common. In 1866,
seventeen North Carolina counties registered 9,000 marriages of freedpeople; four
Virginia counties registered 3,000. Yet some couples remained together without formal-
izing their marriages, being accepted in their local communities as husband and wife.
Many former slaves took new names to recognize family ties and to symbolize
their independence and their desire for a new life characterized by dignity and respect.
In slavery, “we hardly knowed our names,” one ex-slave recalled. “We was cussed for so
many bitches and sons of bitches and bloody bitches, and blood of bitches. We never
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heard our names scarcely at all.” Masters had often assigned first names, such as
Pompey and Caesar, and refused to recognize the surnames used within slave commu-
nities. Now, as independent people, former slaves legally claimed first and last names
of their own choosing.
In form, freed families were flexible and adaptive. Although the most common
organization was the nuclear family — two parents and their children — families
often included extended kin and nonrelated members. Ties of affection and eco-
nomic need made extended families important. Pooling resources and working
collectively sustained these families. Even when dispersed in different households,
families tended to live in communities among relatives. Close-knit communities
defined women’s and men’s social and cultural worlds, nurturing a cooperative spirit
and a communal folk culture.

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