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Adulthood and Aging MODULE 12 207Obsessing over things we can%u2019t control, such as genetic factors, is time poorly spent. Vaillant75 recommends several tips to increase the likelihood of moving successfully from middle age to your eighties and nineties:%u2022 Pursue education as far as your intelligence permits.%u2022 Stop smoking if you%u2019ve started.%u2022 Maintain strong social relationships (including a stable marriage).%u2022 Don%u2019t use alcohol to the point of shaming yourself or your family.%u2022 Keep your weight down.%u2022 Stay physically active: Walk, mow the grass, or play pickleball.%u2022 Use ingenuity to cope with stress (make lemonade out of lemons).With regard to the last tip about stress, Vaillant emphasizes that stressful events were not a great predictor of long and healthy lives. According to Vaillant, %u201cSome people had a lot of stress, but aged very well. But how you deal with that stress does matter quite a bit.%u201d76Dying and DeathFew escape the sadness of having to cope with the death of relatives or friends. One spouse typically outlives the other, a grief suffered five times more often by women than by men. When the death is sudden and unexpected, grief and subsequent depression can be particularly hard to handle and may continue for years.77Reactions to death vary from culture to culture. In some African cultures, death brings status to an elder, who joins the ancestors in watching over those still living in the village.78 Some cultures encourage a stiff upper lip and hiding of grief; others, including many Muslim nations, expect outward and obvious expressions of grief by both men and women.79 No matter what the culture, there are always individuals who grieve significantly more or significantly less than others.80In the United States, attitudes toward death appear to be changing. There is a greater openness toward the inevitability of death and facing it with dignity. Many people now choose hospice care instead of an impersonal and lingering hospital death. In hospice care, patients receive comforting medical attention (often in their own homes) but avoid advanced life-support measures (such as heart defibrillation or inserting a tracheal tube through the throat to help them breathe). Hospice care focuses on comfort care, ensuring that patients%u2019 pain is managed while keeping family and friends informed and encouraging them to visit. Part of the hospice philosophy is helping the dying prepare for death while maintaining human dignity.Although we know that everyone eventually dies, dealing with the death of a loved one can be very difficult. One popular misconception about grieving is that the people who express strong grief immediately process their grief more quickly. This simply is not true.81 And there is no evidence to support the idea that we progress through predictable stages of grieving, such as anger, denial, and acceptance.82 Some people grieve briefly, whereas others grieve for months or years. Both LPETTET/E+/Getty ImagesComfort CareHospice care focuses on keeping patients comfortable and free from pain. It can be provided at home or in a health care setting.%u00a9 Bedford, Freeman & Worth Publishers. For review purposes only. Do not distribute.